Wednesday 14 February 2024

A Duke Won't Do by Jessie Clever (Book Review)

"Let me make one thing perfectly clear," he growled right before his mouth came down on hers.





The perfect cozy, wholesome romance read for all the Bridgerton vibes. I was actually charmed by Logan and Gwen. How sensible and not annoying they are, like most romance protagonists. How quickly I became invested in their entire relationship.


"Welcome to Scarcroft Manor."


Gwen and Logan are both damaged goods: she's got smallpox scars and self-esteem issues, he's terrified of letting anybody back in after his first wife was extremely emotionally abusive...


She had spent a lifetime not being touched and now he had touched everything.


But he needs help raising his child and running his household, and Gwen is determined to make the best of the situation, because she's always wanted to be a mother, and can't help falling for his daughter Felicity instantly.


As Gwen takes control of the estate and takes stock of what needs doing, she's forced to push at all of his boundaries. He's a sexy, stern, emotionally withdrawn sheep farmer who just won't let her in no matter how hard he tries. But Gwen certainly gets to him....


Something happened to his heart then, something irreversible. He prided himself on his logic and efficiency, but right then, standing in what used to be the rose garden, he was quite certain his heart had stopped beating.


Honestly this book was short, sweet, and perfect. I loved Gwen and Logan, I loved their romance, their lives, the setting, the writing. It was light, easy, and fun. None of the typical romance novel frustrations, both of them were so believable yet reasonable, damaged yet mature. They weren't using the ways they'd been hurt before as excuses.


It got a few good laughs out of me, too:


"Oh I see what you mean, shortcake," Grandmother Bitsy cooed. "He does look like a man who ikes a good ram."

"Mother," Nancy scolded.

"Oh hush, Nancy," Grandmother Bitsy returned. "You should be proud of your daughter."


Absolutely recommend for anybody who likes historical romance and/or romance in general.

Monday 22 January 2024

Tuesday 12 December 2023

Lose Your Head

*Title from Lose Your Head by London Grammar

I haven't been blogging in forever. Nobody really reads this blog, but that should make it more fun for me, not less: frankly I'm here for me, doing this for me. It keeps me on-focus and keeps me feeling like I have some momentum behind me. It helps me orient myself and remember what my goals are. Honestly, I know it's all about vlogging on Youtube/Twitch these days, but I'm never going to stop writing/blogging.

It may be retro, but whatever, retro used to be cool. I used to love reading Amanda Hocking's blog back in the day. Writers write, so it makes more sense for us to blog than vlog. I do love a lot of authortube, though, don't get me wrong. Liselle Sambury and Katie Wisemer and Kate Cavanaugh, Alexa Donne, stuff like that. They're great.

I just also love blogging. Even though I don't read any other blogs any more. But somebody needs to become a blogger icon and bring it back. I miss the vibes, I'm waiting for my blogger messiah. In the meantime I'm gonna keep writing.

I've been trying and failing to focus on this project...

I wrote my book Things We Sat At Midnight wayyyy back in 2014 or 2015. I don't remember which. I'm 99% sure it was 2015, but I've been sure and still been wrong before. What I DO remember is I wrote it in one day and I was stoned as fuck. I edited it and put it out that same day, too. Back then I was so obsessed with speed and proving I could churn things out quickly and have a pipeline of content like a traditional publishing house did. I was eighteen and I felt like I had so much to prove.

Now, looking back at it at 27, I think any self-publisher trying to keep up with, let alone compete with traditional publishers is wasting their time and their potential. It doesn't need to be proven anyway: most trad-pub authors put out one book a year while many self-pubbed authors are out here putting out like four books a year.

I just want to keep writing. That's my idea of success: words on a page.

I used to be able to leap into another world, now I have trouble getting outside of my own head and engaging with stories. I'm fighting to reconnect with that side of my creativity, my love of reading and writing that was all-encompassing and felt so natural. I miss it a lot.

It's harder to escape the world now. I was so idealistic when I started writing, and now I feel guilty for engaging in fantasy while other people are being bombed, or killed, or violated. I miss my old self, I miss my old friends, I miss the world of 2011, 2012, 2013, when I felt nature was alive, the future was bright and hopeful, and I was young and full of promise, on the brink of my dreams.

Now every moment of joy or escapism feels fought-for and hard-won. And feels laced with guilt, shame.

I am slowly editing and rewriting Things We Saw At Midnight, feeling nostalgic for older, simpler times and vibes. I'm particularly working hard on the story Just Another Ordinary Monday, which is being re-named Worldspeak and heavily rewritten/expanded. It's been a hell of a job so far.

The story needs a lot more editing and improvement than I thought it would, but it's okay. I'm having fun despite the challenge. But I'm coming out of some writer's block and thinking things through. Rereading. Editing. Taking stock. I forgot how much I love/need/want/require outlines. And I do. Require outlines.

Discovery writing is fun, but so unreliable.

From Just Another Ordinary Monday Morning >to> Worldspeak, this story is going from short story to novella, which means a lot is getting expanded, several characters are getting more to do, and the stuff that was there needs significant re-writing too, so lots is changing, and it's been intimidating, but I think I'm slowly getting a grasp on it. So here's to finishing this story as soon as possible so I can share it with somebody, anybody!

Friday 6 October 2023

Loki Season 2 Premiere Best Moments (Spoilers Obviously)

Loki season 2 is finally here! Well, the first episode. And it was spectacular. Best Moments:


  • "I need a Loki Who Remains" from Mobius - this line will launch a thousand fanfics, mark my words
  •  
  • Did you kick each other through time doors simultaneously?
  •  
  • Mobius writing 'Skin?' was hilarious
  •  
  • and it coming back with plot relevance in the following scene was a great idea!
  •  
  • The wholesome dumbass working at McDonald's in the end. No thoughts head empty, would you like to try our new McNuggets?!
  •  
  • The split-timeline convo between OB/Mobius/Loki and the way it played out.
  •  
  • Hunter calling out the TVA for their atrocities and how they weren't as justified as they all thought. She's fully ready for the masquerade to come down. Gotta be hard to admit you did a bunch of fascist genocidal stuff for no reason, I understand why some of them are in full denial tbh.
  •  
  • OB literally writing the book on that.
  •  
  • Tom Hiddleston's being gloriously sexy in every frame he's in...

All in all there's so much potential for this season! I can't wait to see how it unfolds. I wish we got a tiny bit more Sylvie in this season premiere but you know what? I love a Loki/Mobius bromance episode. The show works best when they're playing a pair of buddy cops/agents.

Also Control by Remedy Studios is my favorite video game ever and the TVA always gives me FBC vibes. I love the retro-futurism of it all too. You guys watching Loki season 2, or are you lame?

Friday 21 April 2023

Bella Dog

 The other day I posted some pics of our new puppies Henry & Luna, but back in October we lost our old dog Bella. She had an impacted/infected womb and it was going to rupture, she was so old and weak we were all afraid surgery would kill her anyway, and made the choice to put her down because her womb rupturing was inevitable and would be a very painful death. Instead she went to sleep very peacefully with us holding her, petting her, telling her how much we loved her.

We made sure Bella had a very good final day where we spoiled her with lots of love and treats. The truth is though that was every day, she was my best friend and we did everything together. I miss her every day, but I was looking through some of the pictures I took on her final day and seeing that even on that day she was happy and there was love and contentment in her eyes is everything to me.

I figured I would share a few photos I took that day of us together and her final walk. I look like a mess because I was having a full-on nervous breakdown on one of the worst days of my life, but that's to be expected. I have a lot more but these ones are the ones I wanted to share today:



I'll never stop loving or missing Bella, but I know our other dogs and relatives on the other side are watching out for each other and waiting for us to come home, and in the meantime I hold on to every happy and painful memory, and the ones like in these photos, that have a touch of both.

Thursday 20 April 2023

New Puppies! Meet Henry & Luna

 My parents and cousin decided it was a perfectly sane idea to surprise me with puppies the other day, so now we have two new little angels in our family! Meet Luna and her brother Henry!



Henry is playful and a little dumb, Luna is feisty and hyper. So far as names go I've been calling him Honeydog and her Lily-Luna. They're adorable and I would die for them. That said I cannot wait until they're a little bigger because they keep pissing on my floor.

I also might not survive this NaNoWriMo. I've written like almost 40k this month but none of it was on my NaNo novel. Well, 1k was, but that's a pittance. Right now this superhero romance is serving me better anyway.

Sunday 16 April 2023

How To Write Your Book in 8 Easy Steps

 How To Write Your Book in 8 Easy Steps (My Personal Method):


1) Download fifteen different new fonts. Try out every one of them. Don't forget to fool around with the color, too!


2) Design five different book covers. None of them looks like the one you're imagining in your head.


3) Drink five cups of coffee and watch Werewolf By Night on Disney+. You wish you had a werewolf boyfriend. You can't prove werewolves exist. Back to the drawing board.


4) Break the first two chapters in half and give them all new titles and ending hooks. Add a few extra lines of dialogue. Change the font color again.


5) Write a blurb for the story even though it's not fully finished.


6) Edit the last chapter you wrote and try to figure out who knows what and why they aren't saying it.


7) Actually manage to write 500 words. Wait, why is your coffee mug empty? The dog is crying, too, does the dog need to pee? Why do I agree to babysit people's dogs again?


8) Repeat all of the above in a manic state over the course of several days until the project is finished. Spend three hours in the bath brainstorming and when you get out you're so wrinkled your family doesn't recognize you and thinks there's a very old burglar in the house. Congrats, you're a writer!

Tuesday 11 April 2023

Oh My Rapture by Gemma White Review: The Voice Poetry Needs


But I felt safe there painting orange teapots

outlining women in Texta with the mysterious green eyes


Some days I could even feel that my soul was still alive

Such a crappy small town 


FINALLY SOME GOOD FUCKING FOOD. Seriously though, I've read a lot of poetry today and a lot of it was really bad. This broke the mold and gave me a shot of something fresh; a unique, strong voice, a genuine personality and identity, a distinct artistic sensibility. This is an actual person and an actual artist with opinions and a personality who is not trying to be like everybody else or to be an airbrushed version of themselves, and that is so fucking refreshing these days.


The poems in this collection, and Gemma White's voice in general, were so enjoyable and refreshing for the same reason Ethel Cain's music and lyrics are: she provides a reality, a look at something true, not a glamourized ideal.


There is a genuineness and an honesty and a refusal to polish the truth or airbrush out every microscopic flaw here that feels just so bold and down to earth, so grounded, but also so manic and so insecure and uncertain. Yet also strong, risky, beautiful.


To be clear I don't have bipolar but I definitely have some kind of mood disorder and mental instability has and always will be a part of my life. I'm lucky because my manic episodes are not dangerous or half as embarrassing as other people experience: I've heard from people whose manic episodes lead them to truly endanger themselves, people who love their manic episodes and people who hate them. I usually enjoy mine, they tend to last anywhere from 2 to 3 days and I feel energized, slightly strung-out, but in a sharp, crystalline way. I feel like I'm in sync with myself and the universe and I burn up with creative energy and do a ton of random artsy stuff and make a mess, but when I come out of it the worst that's happened is I'm sleep-deprived, a little emotional, and the house is messy.


But for others obviously manic episodes, mood and personality disorders, etc, are more serious or more powerful. It takes a lot of character to develop this level of self-awareness of your mode of functioning and experiencing the universe, where you can feel both the shame and the joy, appreciate what sets you apart and your unique perspective, grasp that you have experiences others don't and you're allowed to revel in moments of joy and adrenaline, but also acknowledge that it's a weakness in many ways and can bring shame, danger, etc.


The musings on bipolar experiences here were incredible. But also White's refusal to mope or throw herself a pity party. And her jab at poets who do constantly throw themselves pity parties. Her willingness to poke fun at herself, celebrate herself, acknowledge shame and regret in the past while also knowing her worth and having a true sense of love and purpose for art and a knowledge that it's her purpose. These poems really, really resonated with me.


There is something

Sacred and healing

That happens when I write

When I paint

When I create songs

Maybe I am closer to God

Maybe the bad things can't find me here


Hi hello my head is bald. Gemma White has me by the scalp!


Is everything equally sacred and profane?


Her musings on topics most poets find taboo like sex, masturbation, bodily functions, etc, are so matter-of-fact but not vulgar or showing off, she's not being a douche about it, like "Look how cool I am! I talk about things other poets won't!" ironically, when she talks about stuff like masturbation, it's not masturbatory, she's not patting herself on the back here for breaking the mold, you can tell she just really doesn't care to censor herself and doesn't give a fuck. These are her poems, this is what it is, take it or leave it.


Oh my mystery, oh my darkness

oh my rapture, oh my music


I was absolutely enchanted by this collection. I cannot believe this writer isn't going absolutely breakout viral. I was actually blown away both by her obviously good taste but also by her skill and execution.

I would absolutely recommend giving this a chance for anybody who likes poetry or is curious about it. This is a modern voice, this is a poet with a fucking brain, some opinions, and some god damn taste. This is what we need right now.

Huge thanks to NetGalley for the chance to read this lovely art.


I don't want to be a good poet

I want to be a naughty one!

Sunday 9 April 2023

Exits by Stephen C. Pollock Poetry Collection Review

Absolutely beautiful. During the first poem I was worried I wouldn't like this, that maybe the author was the type of poet who just writes poems to hear the sound of his own voice, but then by the end of the poem when it took what I felt was a sympathetic turn towards the spider I figured there might be something here, and boy am I glad I stuck with it.

My favorite poems in the collection are: Leaves (for Shinayo Matsumoto) (which was a beautiful memorial poem), Zombie Fires, War Crimes (which disturbed me greatly), Ash (simple yet beautiful), Spine of Dorian Gray, and Oak.

The photos and art accompanying the poems was special too but truly the voice and sensibility on display here and the lens through which Pollock chooses his subjects, what values, fears, and musings seem worth writing about to him, is the true specialty. There is something immensely relatable and nostalgic, maybe comforting, about his voice even when I think the subject matter is disturbing or ugly, there's a sensibility and vocabulary choice there I find really understandable, relatable, and immediately familiar.

Glad I picked this up. Thanks to NetGalley.

Thursday 6 April 2023

A Throwback Quote

But for some reason it's not happening. The idea of writing just sounds so gross right now. I sit down to work and feel put-off and annoyed by it. I feel anxious and sort of depressed, which may be because I have anxiety and depression and am not on my medication right now, but may also not.

I don't know. I just need to have more confidence in myself. I need to sit down and just write and put everything out of my head, but I'm struggling with it.

-me, 2015

I was looking at my old old old blog from 2015 when I was back in high school and my pen name was still Oliver Urban. I cannot believe how much things change and how much they stay the same. I was struggling so much back then.

I'm not taking Prozac anymore, but depression and the cycles of it will always play a role in your writing if you have it. But I'm so happy to be in a creative bright spot now, where I am writing every day and having fun with it, writing what I want, how I want, not to prove anything to anybody, but because it lights up my soul, I enjoy it, it helps me feel healthier and I like manifesting and creating reality, although I think that might be an ego thing.

Either way I wanted to share this neat little tidbit because I thought it was funny and ironic. I'm doing so much better now but I definitely still feel this way sometimes. Right now it's all smooth sailing though.

I hope you all feel inspired with whatever you're creating! Also, remember back when I used to do author interviews? I might go into that again. I hate that I don't do it anymore and I figure it could be a fun time. I think it helps indie authors feel legit and have fun and it's part of the whole author dream people have, so it's always nice knowing I'm helping them have a chance to experience that and develop further confidence and an audience.

We'll see!

Shiny Outlines

 I outlined a new story last night, but I did it entirely on paper, which is curious for me. I am such a digital writer. I need a laptop or a computer or something, or I cannot get a novel done. A journal entry or a short story is fine to write on paper, and I like taking copious amounts of notes in journals and notebooks and a sketchbook or two, but I never have the urge to like write a novel entirely by hand. Who am I, Zoe Marriott? No, I am not, and that's probably a good thing because I could never pull off being a British person anyways.

The point is I was surprised how fun it was. I feel like this story is very pink/purple and so I used a bright pink pen and I outlined the entire first story out of a duology. I have vague ideas about what the sequel could be, but I'm not sure what the theme is so a lot of it is cloudy.

I may be saying too much, but it's either an engagement or a birthday party. But the first story is more of a seduction/trap so I'm worrying about that first.

I'm drafting it tonight but it's not as ambient because it was raining last night and I kept the window open for a bit and it was very nice. But I can write without the sound of rain. As long as I have a computer to do it on, seriously, I could not be a writer pre-80s or 90s and even then computers were so rough and ugly. I love modern tech. If I'm time traveling I'm brining my phone and tablet with me and if the locals think I'm a fabulous magician with amazing eyebrows and light-up paper, so be it. It's an amazing and totally awesome burden I'll just have to accept with grace and humility, because that's how powerful I am.

I'm even powerful enough to drink this cold coffee instead of reheating it. That's definitely not because I'm too lazy to walk to the kitchen. And now I'll go continue writing books people will hopefully read instead of ridiculous rambly blogs they definitely won't!

PS, the entire album Who I Am by Tasha Angela is amazing. Spotify kept recommending it so I checked it out and Who I Am, Uphill Battle, and The One are fantastic. I didn't love Chloe's new album BUT Cheatback is one of the best songs I've heard in years and she should definitely go country, 100% I think I like her pop music better when she's working as a team with Halle though, for sure.

I also am slowly making my way through Andrew Bird's discography and the song Sifters made me cry like a bitch the other day.

Also when I finish Rescue and share the book playlist it's gonna knock your guys's socks off, mark my words.

PSS, my new Amanda Hocking books (they're actually the old 2010 self-published editions with the turquoise covers) got here, but it's just the first two and I'm still waiting on Ascend. Once all three are reunited I'm gonna post some pics. Torn is a little worn but Switched is high quality as fuck, and the covers look so pretty in person!

A Duke Won't Do by Jessie Clever (Book Review)

"Let me make one thing perfectly clear," he growled right before his mouth came down on hers. The perfect cozy, wholesome romance ...

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